Author name: Dan

THE LOGICAL AFTERLIFE

Hindus roll the dice on reincarnation, which can cause a dead end. If you’re reincarnated as a tree, how do you possibly become a tree with good morals so that you can return to a higher life form in your next life? If you spend your tree-life badly, what do you become next? Asparagus? Brussel sprouts?

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ONLY TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE

Only two kinds of people exist temporarily on this planet. One guess might be men and women. Apparently, you aren’t aware of the new superstore, ‘Genders”R”Us?’ Don’t like your gender? Visit this store and find one that fits you. It operates like the Build-A-Bear store. You simply create a gender that fits you.

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AN OLYMPIC GIFT-GIVER

It was Christmas Eve in 1983. Approximately 9:00 PM. Finally, the time to Christmas shop had arrived. That particular year I focused on Shopko as my store. I planned to buy April shimmery, satiny sleepwear. We’ll leave it at that, but that decision started me on the path to one of my first theoretical Olympic gold medals.

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NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!

Then panic struck me. The last stray dog that showed up on our doorsteps soon gifted us with eight puppies. And April had used the word ‘she.’ Three times. This had ballooned into a colossal emergency. Pregnancy was once again in the picture. I took a deep breath.

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