A WOMAN’S SECRET: PART 2
It would be interesting to tally how many men have fainted from sheer shock upon reading Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, giving Himself up for her.”
Imagine, wives, your husband sitting in his recliner watching the Chicago Cubs finally eek out a victory by the score of 1-0 after nine laborious innings. Deliriously happy, he sighs and wipes the sweat off his brow with his napkin. Therefore, you think it’s an opportune time to show him Ephesians 5:25.
He reads it, then venom spews forth from his mouth. “What nonsense is this?” he demands. “Who wrote this drivel?” You’re amazed because you didn’t realize ‘drivel’ was even in his vocabulary.
A fabricated scene, but is there truth in it?
I’ve sat in front of couples many times trying to counsel them on how to have the best marriage possible. My primary focus has always been on the man. I look at him and say, “The success or failure of your relationship with her is at least 90% on you, dude.”
First, he was impressed I used the word ‘dude,’ with me being some sort of righteous preacher guy. Secondly, 90%? He assumed it would be something like 50-50. Or if she would be the partner he thought she should be, it would be 90% on her, not him. I’ve literally watched a man’s eyes glaze over, his mind shut down, ending with a little shake of his head as if to say, “Not even if pigs fly.” Of course, I’ve continued the counseling, but at that point, barring a light bulb moment, I know the union will not culminate in the marriage of all marriages.
Instead, it will become a ‘coping marriage,’ in which each participant learns coping techniques in order to survive the marriage until one of them dies, or one of them waves a white flag and says, “I surrender.” In other words, divorce.
Is it even possible for a marriage to become a part of the ‘easy yoke’ that Jesus promises? Can marriage become a light burden rather than a heavy burden? Absolutely, and it depends on the husband.
It’s interesting that Ephesians 5:25 is a command. In what universe would we expect a man to actually have to be commanded to love his wife? Or wife-to-be? The truth is, most men love their chosen mate in some ambiguous way as long as it doesn’t interfere with their life’s work or life’s passions.
That’s because of the curse upon man found in Genesis 3:19: “By the sweat of your face you will eat bread, till you return to the ground, because from it you were taken. For you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
Since that curse, the male gender has lived in fear of that verse. He has become intent upon overcoming life, and attempting to overcome death by building some sort of legacy for himself. For the majority of males, adding the female to that struggle for lasting achievement and worth was simply a part of his battle plan. Love her? Do you mean like for an hour on Friday night?
Just as most women don’t recognize they possess the DNA of ‘ezer,’ something like 0% of men don’t understand it either. Take any ten men and ask them to describe the dominant characteristic of their wives, and at least seven of them will utter some form of ‘nag.’ If that’s a true characterization, it’s because she’s under the curse of ‘teshuqah.’
Who will rescue her? Only one person can, and that’s her husband.
In order to do that, he must adopt Ephesians 5:25 as his way of life. Let the glazed eyes and shut down minds commence. From his viewpoint, he’s interpreting that verse this way: “If I do that, it means I have to give up everything for her, I have to do everything her way, and I can never have the life I want. She’ll take advantage of me.”
In that brief tirade, we see two conditions: 1) self-centeredness in him and 2) no trust in her.
He doesn’t understand he alone has the power to unlock the chains keeping her ‘ezer’ DNA imprisoned. He doesn’t trust unleashing her ‘ezer’ DNA will put her on the path to becoming the wife she deep down desires to be. The man needs to trust in the long view. If he properly and consistently leads in loving her without regard for himself, she will eventually return to becoming his life-saver, his rescuer.
Can you imagine a better marriage—one where you have two people who are actually out-doing each other in being life-savers and rescuers for each other? That, husbands, is the easy yoke of marriage. Try it and you will not be disappointed.
Any proof? My marriage with my best friend, April. For many years, we toiled in our marriage at constructing coping techniques so we could simply survive. Then I discovered Ephesians 5:25. That’s important because April never tried to ‘nag’ me into it.
With trepidation, I vowed to live this verse in front of April to the best of my ability. The result has been jaw-dropping awesome. Leaving coping techniques behind, we now work at being life-savers for each other. A man couldn’t ask for a better wife, friend or ally. Ours is truly a blessed marriage within the shadow of the easy yoke.