Within the last couple of years I’ve had two former high school students contact me through Facebook. Both of them wanted to express grievances against me. One student I remembered having in class, but not the second student.
The second student vented about how I had mistreated him while he was in school. But his venting continued, blaming almost all his high school teachers for his horrendous school experience. His rant concludes with something along the lines of how none of us should have been teachers, that we were the sorriest collection of teachers ever assembled.
It makes you wonder what his life currently is like. Has his high school experience ruined the rest of his life? Does he wake up disconsolate and grumbling, with his mind focused on the high school faculty ruining his life?
When he lies on his death bed, will he prop himself up on his pillow just to tell everyone within earshot about the high school faculty he was forced to endure? If so, how sad.
I do remember the other student being in my class. He described an incident with me that badly hurt his feelings and, according to him, caused irreparable damage to our relationship. He went on to describe his current life, how he had settled down and was raising a family. The general idea was that he was doing well in life.
I immediately reached out to this student. I couldn’t remember the incident, but I certainly wanted to apologize to him. I also wanted to acknowledge his successes with his current life. He never responded, but I hope he forgave me my transgression against him.
It’s kind of two sides of the same coin. I offended two people without knowing I had done so. Both of them, throughout the years, carried significant grudges against me. Did those grudges affect my life in any way? How effective has their grudges against me succeeded in demoralizing me or casting dark shadows in my life?
No effect at all, obviously. It’s easy to make the case that these two former students had suffered a great deal more than I had.
If the venting student woke up every morning consumed with thoughts about how a former faculty of long ago had destroyed his life, one can only feel pity for him. He provides an excellent example of what an unforgiving heart can do to a person. Secondly, while he thinks he’s dumping hot coals on the accused’s head, he’s doing nothing of the sort.
You might say he’s succeeded in getting it off his chest. Maybe so, but the anger still possibly consumes his heart, still powerfully impacts his daily life in negative ways. Hopefully, he’s able to move on without giving any more thought or time to me or the hateful teachers who ruined his life.
Maybe without realizing it, the other student acted biblically. He came to me with a specific offense, and I was able to make an immediate response of apology to him. I had no idea about the offense, so it had not impacted my life at all throughout the many years.
However, my hope is my apology brings healing and peace to him even if no more correspondence passes between us. He’s settled down now, with a career, wife, and kids. Hopefully, God will bless him with grandchildren if He hasn’t already done so. No need exists for him to bear a grudge against me anymore.
Finally, I hope this is good counsel for all believers. As a believer, I should never harbor a grudge against another person, believer or non-believer. Doing so creates the possibility of a kind of cancer within. The danger becomes allowing the grudge to become a permanent and expanding dark cloud capable of sabotaging and controlling my every thought and action. It becomes a heavy burden I might never unload.
When asked how much we should forgive, Jesus answers “…seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:22). He means continually and always. That’s a far easier yoke to bear than the heavy yoke of unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness is capable of destroying both body and soul. Don’t be an unforgiver. Forgive and move on. And smile.